MODELING
There are several steps we can take to help someone do better at a task or function.
1) Criticize Them
Tell them what they are doing wrong. If you can do it sensitively enough so that the person will listen, they might apply what you are saying and improve. A lot hinges on how you perform your criticism, though.
Factors in your criticism being accepted are: your relationship to the one you are criticizing, your attitude, your tone of voice, your track record in criticizing in general and this person in particular, the quality of your own performance, the disposition of the one being criticized, etc.
Criticism is easy to perform. It requires nothing of the one doing the critical evaluation. For these reasons criticism is the choice of many who want to "help" someone.
The problem is, criticism is close to impossible to perform under the optimum conditions. Too many factors have to line up just right. Granted, there are times when it is appropriate to deliver criticism and rebuke (Prov. 27:5). But, because criticism is too often the easy way, it is too often the least effective way of helping someone to change and grow.
2) Teach and Encourage Them
Whether it is delivering mail, tying shoe laces or performing surgery, people must be taught how to do their task. Teaching is indispensable.
Encouraging is so closely related to teaching I couldn’t separate the two. I think we need to teach in an encouraging way, not in a way that is condescending or demeaning to the one we are trying to help.
Even after someone is taught a task it may take a lot of trial and error to actual perform well. During that time we may be tempted to criticize; we will also have to continue to teach and encourage.
Everyone likes to be told they are doing something right. If one of my catchers misses three pitches but catches the fourth, I have to focus on the one right thing he did, compliment him, and encourage him to keep up the good job. Frequently, when a young athlete does something right, even after a whole series of flops, they’ll look over to the coaches for affirmation. They need it! "Look coach, I got!!!"
Like criticizing, teaching and encouraging must be done in the right spirit and at the right time and by the right person for it to be received.
3) Model for Them
One of the best ways to promote another person’s positive change and growth is through modeling. Modeling is doing and living what you are trying to effect in another person.
The ideal teacher of pitchers would be another pitcher; the appropriate trainer of preachers would be another preacher. Do you want a jack hammer operator training your dentist or a butcher mentoring your heart surgeon?
A person who can perform a task is best suited to reach out to others and show them how they, too, can perform. They will have to teach and encourage, they may even have occasion to criticize and rebuke. But their real power comes from modeling appropriate attitudes and behavior. I’m glad other dentists trained my dentist and doctors trained my doctors.
There are some critical areas in life where there can be no substitutes for competent models. Medicine, ethical living, parenting, family life and the Christian walk can not survive without dedicated individuals of high integrity who provide sterling examples we can emulate.
Do you have any good models to follow? Are you a good model for someone else? Can you say, like the Apostle Paul, "Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ"? (1 Cor. 11:1).
Warren Baldwin
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